“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh” – Ephesians 5:31
This blog comes from heartbreaking observations as an extreme outsider on several different situations. This is not about any specific occurrence and ask that if you happen to feel that this blog is about you, it’s not so don’t make me start a bad version of Carly Simon karaoke. This is simply some ramblings of things weighing heavy on my heart at this time.
Ok, so let me start this one off by saying I am divorced. I got married right out of high school but it didn’t work for many reasons. What finally pushed me to divorce was repeated acts of adultery that I could no longer bear. The end…right? Not quite. Even though the divorce was final almost nine years ago, the side effects of that life-long disease still flare up regardless of today’s blessings.
Now to continue, I am married. I remarried a little over seven years ago. I bet you expect me to say that I am now living my happily ever after, the end…right? Wrong! Happily ever after is one of the biggest teasers subliminally implanted into our brains as early as toddlerhood by books, movies, songs, etc. Today, marriage seems to be little more than a hyped up reason for some adult attention and a reason to change your Facebook relationship status. Truth is: marriage is hard, marriage is work and marriage will not work without commitment and dedication.
There are days I like my husband and life is grand. There are days when I don’t like my husband and I know he reciprocates. However, in all those days, we continue to love each other. We have had our fair share of ups and downs and we have even come close a couple of times to giving up. There’s a confession for ya. However, we stuck it out and we are still going stronger than ever today. We have learned the only way our marriage will work is to have God in the center and trust me, I can tell the days when one of us didn’t pray or read God’s word. Those are the days we are going to struggle. I know we will continue to have ups and downs but that is part of it.
Here lately, I am seeing a lot of married couples splitting up. Some have been together a few months, some a few years, almost all with children involved. I see many couples blasting their dirty laundry on social media sites like it was group therapy. It seems to me that many are just looking for the love and connection you can only experience with a relationship with God, but what ends up happening is usually a soap opera like battle. What is shocking to me is how fast many folks are finding comfort in another companion. I get the fact that you may need time apart from your spouse and you are confused and hurting, but are you really giving yourself time to figure things out when you are in the arms of another? When having trouble with one relationship, does it make sense to complicate things with another? I have been seeing a lot of finger-pointing and insinuations being blasted for the world to see. I figure these posts, tweets or whatever are simply for sympathy comments, likes and what not, and I will admit, I have looked for my own e-empathy here and there but there must be a line drawn somewhere, right?
Now here is what really gets me: the blatant disregard to the damage being done to the children involved. Oh sure, they may be fed and have a roof over their head and may even be a straight A student with exceptional gifts and talents, but the emotional toll the games of their parents is causing must be horrendous. Yes, I know that children are resilient and may appear to be taking things just fine, but surely we all know that further down that just isn’t the case. I see these posts that say things like, ‘I am with so and so now and things are finally starting to look up for me.’ I can’t help but think what the kids would say. Would the kids say ‘I am so glad that mommy and daddy broke up last week and that they have a new girlfriend/boyfriend this week.’ Would they say things are looking up for me? I can’t fathom what is going on in people’s minds when they toss a marriage away like it was a boring blind date you didn’t wish to pursue. I understand if married couples need time apart or in extreme cases, the marriage must end. What I don’t understand is how someone moves on so quickly without taking time to heal, adjust and stabilize before moving on and allowing your children to do the same.
God created marriage. Took me a long time to figure out that a marriage just isn’t between a man and a woman, but it is a union of man and woman with God in the middle. I have learned this first hand. The hardest part about marriage is sticking around when things are bad. It is easy to bail when times are tough but honestly, that is a cowardly and selfish thing to do. Try considering what God wants for your marriage before leaving. Slow down, pray and give your marriage a shot. Do not give up easily and do not move on too quickly.
I Corinthians 13:4-7 – Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Hebrews 13:4 – Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
Malachi 2:13-16 – Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, ‘Why?’ It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. ‘I hate divorce,’ says the Lord God of Israel, “and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,” says the Lord Almighty.
Final thoughts: Just try. Simple as that. Push through the issues and try. Turn to God and not another. Think of your children. Are you being the type of husband you want your daughter to marry? Are you being the type of wife you want your son to marry? Push beyond yourself and give things a real shot. I promise it is worth it.
I want to hear from you!
Leave a comment below and tell about something you can do to make more time for Jesus.
**This blog is based on my own personal research, thoughts and opinions. If your opinions differ than mine then we can agree to disagree, no negative comments needed. If you appreciate the message in anyway, then please feel free to comment, like, and share with others. **